Go Shorty . . .

So, here you are again, July 29th. You've been coming around for 34 years now. I mean, sure, you've probably been an annual visitor for much longer than that, but I can only measure time in the time I've been on this rock.

I have such mixed feelings about my birthday. As was pointed out to me, I get very reflective on my birthday. Pensive, if you will. No, not that bowl that Harry Potter dunks his face in to see other people's milky white memories. I believe that's a Pensieve. (Geek check!)

I think, especially as an adult, that's what birthdays are mostly for. I don't need parties. Presents are nice but not required. A cup of coffee makes me happy. Anything that I really desire at this point can not be wrapped in brightly colored paper and bows anyway. (Well, I suppose a creative publisher or producer could send a contract in crepe paper or tied with a ribbon.)

At this stage of life (God I make it sound so old), I'm looking for a combination of personal happiness, professional fulfillment, and overall security for my family. Not so crazy, right? Yet why does it feel so hard to attain all three???

This morning as I was walking to the car it occurred to me last night was the Mega Millions drawing. Sometimes on Tuesday nights I'll stop and buy 3 quick picks for shits and giggles. As the old commercials used to sing, "somebody's gonna Lotto, might as well be you."

I know I've got a better chance of being bitten by a radioactive spider and developing web-slinging super powers than winning, but what the hell? No harm in trying. However this morning I rememebered I hadn't bought a ticket. That realization was quickly followed by the one that said, "I would love to have money, but I'd much rather earn it than win it."
And I wasn't trying to comfort myself. I really felt it. Meant it. I aspire to be the "father of the feast" for not just my wife and kid, but all my family and loved ones. A great personal hero of mine is a man who has done well in this world and has shared it with many. I admit, in a way that selfless giving isn't so selfless. I suspect if gives him pleasure and sense of accomplishment, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I dream of being that "self-serving."

But I don't want it to come from a fluke. I want to be able to say, "all this came from me. From my efforts. From my talents. I did this."

If the fates are listening, don't get me wrong. If you want to hook me up this Friday night with those six magic ping-pong balls, by all means! I won't be offended!

But if you just want to send the right connection at the right time, and if possible send them sooner than later, I would truly be appreciative and eternally grateful.

There's a great Jimmy Buffett song that he released a couple years ago with Martina McBride shortly after the Five O'Clock Somewhere phenomenon called Trip Around the Sun.
It's a birthday song. It's about aging and reflecting and weighing your efforts so far. Ultimately the song is saying that there's no point in doing so because you won't know what it was worth til it's over. So just hang on and enjoy the ride.
I love the song. Love the message. But sadly I can't adhere to it. I will spend my life living in hope (and hopefully not dying in despair) that one of these days I'm going to crack it. That said, I now listen to it a few times ever year on this day. Check it out:

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/jimmy-buffett-trip-around-the-sun-featuring-martina-mcbride/122258012